and a trip to my aunt's funeral, you'd think someone would be done with me. But wouldn't you know it? She IMed me again on December 20, 2007. I suppose my cyber-abstinence is pretty exciting.her (7:49:29 PM): hi 23/f here and single do you want to chat
me (8:15:26 PM): hi
her (8:24:37 PM): hi
her (8:25:27 PM): how are you?
me (8:32:50 PM): ok
her (8:33:09 PM): do you want to role play it's a fun getting to know you type thing
me (8:33:57 PM): um, dont you remember, we went to olive garden together
her (8:34:06 PM): no
me (8:34:27 PM): really? cause i had a wonderful time
her (8:34:27 PM): do you want to role play again i will do most of it
her (8:34:43 PM): do you want to role play again i will do most of it
me (8:35:16 PM): ok
her (8:35:25 PM): you want me to start or you
me (8:35:36 PM): you, you said youd do most
her (8:36:17 PM): lets say we are at the olive garden again and its just you and I and we are waiting for a booth and we are sitting in the bar area and Sharon is at my parents house and i'm 7 months pregnant and you
me (8:36:56 PM): ask who sharon is
her (8:37:09 PM): my daughter from a previous relationship
me (8:37:57 PM): tell you to get an abortion
her (8:38:16 PM): no
me (8:38:53 PM): ok, then id ask what youre doing at a bar being 7 months pregnant
her (8:39:05 PM): i can have a water with you
me (8:39:42 PM): ok, im having scotch though
me (8:39:52 PM): so i ask you who the father is
her (8:42:44 PM): an ex boyfriend
her (8:42:58 PM): and i start sipping my soda and you wrap your arms around me and you
me (8:43:35 PM): say my, youve gotten bigger
her (8:43:49 PM): and i lean back and you
me (8:44:40 PM): say, let's get out of here, tomato sauce isnt good for the baby
her (8:44:54 PM): where are we going to go
me (8:45:21 PM): the clinic... just kidding.
me (8:45:28 PM): how about the boardwalk?
her (8:45:46 PM): we leave the bar and we arrive on the boardwalk and you
me (8:46:49 PM): ask if you would like some cotton candy
her (8:46:59 PM): i would love some
me (8:47:08 PM): ok, which color
her (8:47:09 PM): and we get in the line to order some and you
her (8:47:14 PM): pink please
me (8:47:48 PM): ok, i wait, and check my wallet to make sure i have the cash, times have been hard as a roach exterminator
me (8:48:02 PM): i have the cash, i pay, and give you it
her (8:48:07 PM): thank you
me (8:48:32 PM): i say ooh, look a name on rice booth
her (8:48:37 PM): and i start eating some and i feed you some and you
me (8:48:54 PM): freak out because im diabetic
her (8:49:05 PM): oh i didn't mean to
her (8:49:13 PM): i meant to give you a kiss
me (8:49:43 PM): i tell you to grab the insulin syringe from my left pocket
her (8:49:57 PM): why
me (8:50:06 PM): because im in a diabetic shock
her (8:50:26 PM): you become fine and i kiss you and you
me (8:50:55 PM): ask why you did that
her (8:51:10 PM): to thank you for a wonderful night so far
her (8:51:21 PM): and we sit down on a bench to watch the fireworks and you
me (8:52:01 PM): ask why there are fireworks
her (8:52:11 PM): it's a special night
her (8:52:14 PM): in town
her (8:53:08 PM): it's a town festival night
me (8:53:24 PM): oh
her (8:54:05 PM): i lean into your arms and you
me (8:54:40 PM): hug you really hard in attempts to crush the child
her (8:54:45 PM): no
her (8:54:54 PM): not hurting the child
her (8:55:18 PM): the fireworks end and you
me (8:55:36 PM): say my, that was exciting. how about we go on the rides?
her (8:55:48 PM): i would love to
her (8:56:03 PM): and you can see that i'm a little cold first and you
me (8:58:29 PM): give you my sweater, we get on the roller coaster and it shakes the shit out of your baby.
her (8:59:04 PM): give more details
her (8:59:11 PM): we get off the roller coaster and you
me (9:00:04 PM): explain to you that babies are fragile in the womb and you likely severed his spinal cord
her (9:00:32 PM): and we walk over to a boat ride and you
me (9:01:57 PM): exclaim ARE YOU EVEN AWARE THAT YOUR BABY IS LIKELY DEAD?!?
her (9:02:11 PM): yes but it's not
her (9:03:17 PM): keep going
me (9:03:29 PM): ok, let's get in the boat then, you first
her (9:03:47 PM): we are on the boat and we find a seat and you
me (9:05:15 PM): say, my what a night
her (9:05:25 PM): what do you mean
me (9:06:57 PM): it's just been exciting, scotch, cotton candy, boat rides, it's like everything a clown does to seduce an unsuspecting toddler
me (9:07:11 PM): then i tell you that i moonlight as a clown
her (9:07:33 PM): and the boat starts moving and you lean closer to me and you
me (9:08:38 PM): ask if you love me even though im a clown
her (9:08:44 PM): yes
her (9:08:59 PM): keep going
me (9:09:04 PM): thats sweet
me (9:09:18 PM): then i ask you if you like cheerios
her (9:09:33 PM): yes why
me (9:09:58 PM): because i love them too, maybe it's a sign
her (9:10:34 PM): we start looking out the boat window and you are behind me and you
me (9:11:41 PM): notice a piece of fuzz in your hair
her (9:11:49 PM): keep going
her (9:11:56 PM): give more details
me (9:12:52 PM): the fuzz looks like it is a mixture of human hair, cat hair, and grey coat dander, perhaps with a slight bit of cheese to act as a conglomerate
her (9:13:20 PM): you take it out of my hair and i lean back into your arms again and you
me (9:13:48 PM): get a phone call
me (9:13:57 PM): i say excuse me, should i answer this
her (9:14:04 PM): who is it
me (9:14:16 PM): my gay cousin peter
her (9:14:20 PM): no
her (9:14:23 PM): you are on a date
me (9:14:51 PM): but he's probably going to try to kill himself again
me (9:15:02 PM): maybe you can help me talk him thru it
her (9:15:05 PM): no
her (9:15:08 PM): don't answer it
me (9:15:42 PM): but he could die!
her (9:15:55 PM): lets not say you get a phone call
me (9:16:54 PM): i pick it up anyway, he just wanted to see if i could tape "house" for him, i tell him, i cant, im on a date
her (9:17:10 PM): ok you are off the phone and you
me (9:18:02 PM): say that was my gay cousin peter, he probably wouldnt like the fact that im dating a pregnant woman whose child isnt mine
her (9:18:16 PM): how do you feel about it
me (9:19:16 PM): i still think it's a little weird, but it's been hard for me since i became a widow
her (9:20:05 PM): we get off the boat and i say i have to go let my sitter go home it's getting late and i say you are welcome to come over and you
me (9:20:44 PM): say isnt sharon at your mothers place
her (9:20:52 PM): no
her (9:21:08 PM): she is with a babysitter
me (9:22:06 PM): i say okay, but dont ever lie to me again
her (9:22:32 PM): ok
me (9:24:00 PM): so lets go back to your place then
me (9:24:07 PM): i ask how old sharon is
her (9:24:12 PM): 3
me (9:24:36 PM): you get around, dont you?
her (9:24:46 PM): yes
her (9:24:59 PM): we are at my house and sharon is alsleep on the couch and you
me (9:25:10 PM): say maybe we should put her to sleep
me (9:26:41 PM): do you agree?
her (9:26:45 PM): yes
me (9:26:52 PM): no, i mean like euthanize her
her (9:27:06 PM): we take her to her bed and you
me (9:27:31 PM): say my her bed looks comfy
her (9:27:53 PM): and i say do you want to snuggle with her and me
me (9:28:47 PM): i dont know, that seems a little dangerous
her (9:29:00 PM): it's up to you
me (9:30:30 PM): i'll pass, we leave her in her room
her (9:30:45 PM): and i say what would you like to do
me (9:31:34 PM): i ask if you have any snapple
her (9:31:57 PM): of course but first can i give you a massage
me (9:32:43 PM): actually i would like the snapple first
her (9:33:01 PM): ok i give you the snapple and you
me (9:34:11 PM): open it and read you the snapple fact
me (9:34:35 PM): snapple fact #37: pregnant women begin lactating about 7 months into pregnancy.
me (9:34:42 PM): i ask if it's true
her (9:35:23 PM): no
me (9:36:50 PM): weird, snapple's usually right on these things
me (9:37:11 PM): i dont trust it and push the bottle aside, not drinking it
her (9:37:28 PM): keep going
me (9:38:23 PM): i ask you what you want to do
her (9:38:32 PM): anything with you
me (9:39:08 PM): i ask if we can sing a song together
her (9:39:15 PM): sure
her (9:39:17 PM): what song
me (9:39:34 PM): but heres the catch, you have to sing the mans part, and i have to sing the womans
her (9:39:52 PM): ok can i add something to that
me (9:40:08 PM): whats that
her (9:40:25 PM): you have to wear only your boxers, and i will be wearing just my bra and underwear
her (9:40:59 PM): how does that sound
me (9:41:32 PM): i dont wear boxers
me (9:41:48 PM): the song is "you're the one that i want" from grease though
her (9:41:55 PM): ok
her (9:44:07 PM): we sing the song and you
me (9:44:08 PM): "tell me about it stud"
me (9:44:16 PM): sorry, i was singing
her (9:44:24 PM): it's fine
me (9:45:05 PM): so we finish, and i say that was fun, i love grease
me (9:45:15 PM): do you have any grease in your home
her (9:48:44 PM): yes
her (9:48:56 PM): can i have a massage i ask
me (9:50:55 PM): i ask what kind you want
her (9:54:12 PM): what are your best ones you give
me (9:54:39 PM): teeth, ear, and nose
her (9:54:44 PM): no
me (9:55:17 PM): nose?
her (9:58:07 PM): no
her (9:58:16 PM): how about a full body massage
me (9:59:40 PM): ok, but only the teeth, nose, and ears will feel good
her (9:59:49 PM): no
me (10:00:12 PM): it's not my fault, im not a masseuse
me (10:00:21 PM): im a roach-killing clown
her (10:00:24 PM): no
her (10:00:31 PM): we are on the bed and you
me (10:01:05 PM): ask where you bought your sheets
her (10:01:18 PM): target
her (10:01:26 PM): and we move closer on the bed and you
me (10:02:01 PM): say that i bought soap at target once
me (10:03:01 PM): then i fart
me (10:03:08 PM): i say excuse me, it must be the scotch
her (10:03:28 PM): no
me (10:04:33 PM): you wont excuse me? i'll get up and leave
her (10:04:45 PM): i was joking
me (10:05:10 PM): oh, sorry, im a clown, im sensitive
me (10:07:55 PM): so im on the bed, trying not to gag from my fart and you
me (10:15:13 PM): sorry, but you bore me. i'm gonna go jerk off to a non-pregnant woman who will show me her picture.
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